I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
