her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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