i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
