I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
