We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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