chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
