Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
