I wanna bring you to show and tell
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
