I am puke
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
