she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
