he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
