I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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