I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I supernannyed him into submission
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
