I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
