billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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