She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
