we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
