Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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