i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
