i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
