i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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