I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
