yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
