you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
