i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
