there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
