Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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