are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
