is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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