At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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