and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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