You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
