Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
