you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
