she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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