closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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