im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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