it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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