he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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