just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
