Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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