trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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