Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
