Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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