Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
