So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I skipped work to stalk him.
she told me i tasted like america
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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