I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
