Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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