She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
