addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
