my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
