T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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