ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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